I am in need of motivation. Hardcore. I already have a blog based on the things in my life, but what I truly needed is a blog about what is going on with my health. I think background is in order for you (the reader) to understand why I am where I am today.
I began somewhat of a runner's lifestyle last year. I ran my first 2 5k's within 7 months of each other. I improved on my time, and that is what mattered to me. That, and I discovered that I just liked to run. The last 5k was on Thanksgiving. By January, I wasn't running anymore.
And then came February. It was a cold, nasty winter. Many days of no school, not getting out of the house. Crazy winter. I ended up in the ER on February 20th, but I truly feel now that whatever happened, had started the week before.
I have always been hypersensitive. Places on my body would just be more sensitive to the touch at times- like my arms, my sides, my legs. On February 12th, I began experiencing that hypersensitivity in my right foot. By that evening, it traveled up my leg, and was quite painful. It lessened a little the next day, but by Valentine's Day it was located just behind my right knee, and felt warm. I got scared, considering my sister has blood clots. After going to the doctor, and having an ultrasound done, they ruled out blood clots.
Things were good until that following Thursday, February 20th. It's the day that I feel my body changed. It started out like any other normal Thursday. Then I began to get an aura in my left eye, and knew from having that happen in January, that a headache was imminent. Unfortunately, I was at school, administering a test to my students that day. I tried to ride it out. Sometime between 8:30 and 9 am, my left hand went tingly and numb. I will forever remember it was in the pocket of my pants when it happened. I tried to shake it off, but it was still there. The aura was still there, beginning to block out things in my vision. Then came the slurred speech. I sounded awful, and remember thinking that exact thought. My tongue was heavy and felt thick. I knew something was wrong, but I stupidly thought I could push through it, that it wasn't that big of a deal. I had trouble comprehending things right after that.
That disappeared, and I was left with a headache and nausea. I ended up leaving school, calling my doctor's office, and they suggested I go to the ER. In my confused state, I wasn't aware that that was their way of urging me to go there. So I went home and laid down. Chris was the one who made me question everything that happened, and that maybe I should go to the ER instead. So I went to the ER, and they began all types of tests. I was aware they thought I had a stroke, or even a mini-stroke. I really didn't know what to think.
After an MRI that showed nothing (so thankful for that), they sent me to a neurologist, because they believed it was migraine-induced. Even she thought I had a mini-stroke because of how one side of my face drooped. She began treating me that day, and I was to come back and see her the next week. I ended up back in the ER Friday evening, because my entire arm to my elbow went numb. I remember thinking, "Okay, this is it. By the time we get to the ER, I might be in worse condition." I did think then that I did have a stroke. They ruled stroke out again, and that ER doctor explained that if it was migraine induced, it would be on 1 side of my body. He gave me some medication to take away the burning sensation I was still experiencing, with instructions to call the neurologist on Monday.
I went back to the neurologist on Thursday, and she said my face looked better. But I was still experiencing the numbness in my left hand and toes. She ordered another MRI, an EKG, and told me she wanted to see me back in 2 weeks. On Friday, my right leg began to feel warm, behind my calf, like before. I kept an eye on the time. In 3 hours, it spread from behind my knee to my calf and toes. It was not only weird/odd, but also scary. That next morning, my right toes and heel went numb. Within a week, my right hand went numb and tingly.
I should note that I began to notice swelling in my hands at the 2nd neurology appointment in February.
I went back to the neurologist in March, after having the MRI and EKG. Both came back normal, but it didn't explain what I was going through. I was a little discouraged, and shocked she didn't want to see me back until the end of May. Stunned is more like it. So I kept going on. By the end of April, my hands and fingers were pretty swollen. I began to experience pain in my hands, specifically around my knuckles. I also had the warm sensations again in my legs. I got really scared and called my general practice doctor, and they told me to call the neurologist. I managed to get in earlier to see my neurologist in early May. She finally understood that everything I am going through is not migraine-induced, because that would mean it's only on 1 side of my body, and it definitely wasn't. She ordered blood tests done, to determine if it was lupus. Rheumatoid Arthritis, and to see if there was ANA in my body. ANA is antinuclear antibodies, which is basically inflammation. She also ordered a nerve test done for early June.
So I went about my life, trying to do what I could. Most days (and still now), I wake up and move incredibly slow for about 1-3 hours. I feel incredibly slow when I move, and my body is very tired.
Fast forward to June. I had the nerve test done, and I definitely did not like that at all. I truly hope I never have that test again. She had just got done telling me that the nerve test looked good, and that she would see me back in 2 months when I asked about my blood test results. She flipped through the first page, she flipped through the second page, saying that everything looked good. No lupus, no RA, even the ANA test came back good. At that moment, I was already thinking of who I needed to see for a second opinion because I knew it was something. Then she says, "This 2nd ANA test is high, in the 330's. Really high is in the 600's. You need to see a Rheumatologist." I felt relieved. Not that I wanted it to be anything, but I have felt that it was something for awhile now. I finally felt like I was getting a little more answers, and getting on the road to taking care of this-whatever it is.
So my appointment was just over a week ago today. Prior to that appointment, I would have about 1-2 sleepness nights a week, due to discomfort when trying to sleep. Not pain, I just couldn't fall asleep at times from it. My mind was all over the place. I had to stop reading things, because it was scaring me.
The first words out of the Rheumatologist's mouth were, "Why are you here? I don't treat migraines." It upset me, because it kind of set the tone for the appointment. I passed the physical exam he gave me, which is good. The one things that hurt on my body at that moment were the two places on my hip that he was testing with touch. It hurt so much I cried. It was also frustrating, too, because it doesn't explain what is going on. He told me that having a high ANA doesn't mean much without having other evidence to back it up, like nerve entrapment. I don't know if I have that, but am now wondering if the nerve test that was done was good at all. The Rheumatologist told me that while I was having a good day that day, he wants to continue to see where this goes.
I don't know where I am going from here. I'm confused, frustrated, feeling like I hit a brick wall. Sometimes I feel like it's in my head, but then I remember that it truly isn't. I feel depressed a lot more, and find myself crying at least once a week. I feel confused, lost, even unsure where to go. I panic hardcore whenever I am a few miles from home. I hold it in and very few people actually have seen it. I truly am scared that whatever happened that day in February will happen again. Even when I start to get a twinge of a headache or burning sensation, I start panicking. I don't like that.
Typically, my hands are very swollen when I wake up and stay that way throughout the day. It's rare that they aren't swollen when I wake up. But when they aren't swollen, I rejoice. I feel like jumping for joy. Sometimes it's short-lived (like yesterday). Sometimes it can last a few hours before the swelling creeps back in. Today, they are pretty swollen. I woke up more tired, and it has taken me 3 hours to not feel as tired. My body was slow when walking around. My hands are a little sore, but I feel my reflexes are also slow.
After last week's road block, I decided to give myself the time I was on vacation to not think much about what is going on, and where I need to go in regard to my health. I'm still uncertain where I am headed. I'm tired of having tests done, and gaining a little progress only to come to another road block. A friend of mine said that God is definitely showing himself to me, and I agree. I just wish I had all the answers. I have a book to read on inflammatory on the body, what foods are good to eat, what to stay away from, etc.
In the midst of everything, I am trying to get back to being healthy, trying to get back into running. I need to take care of myself- I am the only one who can do it. It's in my hands now to be extremely proactive about it. Another of my friends, and my mom have told me to document everything. And I will, beginning now. I am the only one who knows me best. I am the only one who can do this for me. Some days are going to be tough, I don't doubt that. But if I have just 1 rough day a week, compared to several in a row, I consider that an achievement.
Whatever this is, I will combat it.
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